I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
