Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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