Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
