Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
