We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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