I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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