did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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