Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Holy shit dude........stairs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
