Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
