Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
