i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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