I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
