I didn't shave. On purpose
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
