he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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