is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
