I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
