you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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