Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
