She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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