If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
