I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
