bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
