I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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