i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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