My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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