hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
