I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
