I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
