I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
