I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
