she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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