Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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