all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
