Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
