Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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