I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize