Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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