I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I deserve this hangover.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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