Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
