he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
