I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
