and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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