I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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