I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize