party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
