Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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