You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my liver is dry heaving
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
