just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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