I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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