U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
