Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
