If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
