She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
