So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
