I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
