he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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