On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
