I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
