I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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