My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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