I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
