i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
