If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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