Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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