I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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