I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it was like eating out sand paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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