I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
