wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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