It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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