doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
