why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
