Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
