Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
