Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
