I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
