i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
