I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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