My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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