Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
