Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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