He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
