And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
