i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
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i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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