I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
