I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
