i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize