thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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