Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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