Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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