4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
